


(Get) Better On My Own

by Stozier_Rights



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: (but not in the way you think), Abusive Relationships, Alexis | Quackity Angst, Alexis | Quackity Deserves Better, Alexis | Quackity Needs a Hug, Alexis | Quackity-centric, Don’t mind me venting (not the wing thing obviously lmao), Eating Disorders, Gen, Hybrid Alexis | Quackity, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Multi, Other, Poly, RESPECT THE CCS!, Self Harm (?), Tw/, Winged Alexis | Quackity, characters not people, if any of the ccs say their uncomfortable with this sort of this it’ll be taken down immediately!!, kinda like the last one but longer, major angst, major vent fic!, no beta we die like tubbo in a box, not me projecting onto quackity, not sure but I’ll put it just in case, this is my coping mechanism!, unsafe binding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-18 19:15:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28748310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stozier_Rights/pseuds/Stozier_Rights
Summary: Quackity isn't doing so well, in fact, he hasn’t been for quite some time.But no one knows but him.And maybe that’s his own damn fault.OrQuackity never planned for it to get this bad, he really hadn’t. He just wanted to drop a few pounds, that’s all it started as. He’d never liked his body, he’d go as far as to say he’d hated it.
Relationships: Alexis | Quackity & Phil Watson, Alexis | Quackity/Karl Jacobs/Sapnap
Comments: 32
Kudos: 347





	(Get) Better On My Own

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is a vent fic as stated in the tags! It can contain some pretty triggering topics so please please read the tags for tws. If these things do trigger you please click away, drink some water and take care over yourself, your mental health is what’s most important <3
> 
> I got an unbelievable amount of love on the last one and I’ve been wanting to do a multi chapter vent fic for awhile now, so here it is. Love you babes!

Quackity never planned for it to get this bad, he really hadn’t. He just wanted to drop a few pounds, that’s all it started as. He’d never liked his body, he’d go as far as to say he’d hated it. When he was about eleven he started having self image issues, feeling overweight, ugly, not at home in his own skin. Insecurities developed into something much, much bigger. It started with him purging when he felt he ate too much, sure he’d have a sore throat and an uneasy stomach after but it was worth it, he was in  _ control.  _

It only got worse from there, purging occasionally turned pretty much daily, anything felt like too much, like failure. He started eating less and less, the first time he truly noticed it was the weekend when he had only eaten half of a peanut butter sandwich, a bite of an apple and an orange (and water of course). He remembers going on a walk in the woods with Karl that weekend and damn near passing out. He pushed through though, and kept this unhealthy habit hidden from Sapnap and Karl. 

That was the other thing, his beautiful Fiancés. Karl and Quackity were the loves of his life, one of the only things that kept him happy and grounded. They were both perfect. Karl was tall and thin, he was quite a bit taller than Quackity and so much skinnier.  _ So much prettier.  _ He didn’t really have any muscles on him as he was long and lanky, paired with a flat stomach made for a beautiful person, inside and out. Sapnap was just plain hot, he had a bit of chub on his thighs but it was pretty. He had a bit of a tummy, but he was more muscle than fat. He wasn’t as thin as Karl but he was still very fit. He didn’t know why such beautiful humans even loved him.

He wasn’t at all attractive, he was short, chubby, he had god awful duck wings attached to his back that were frankly an eye sore. He just wanted to improve himself, he wanted to be better for them. Schlatt had always told him, ‘ _ no one likes a fatty Quackity, just lose a few pounds it’ll do you some good.’  _ Even if he was gone, even if he was aware it had been an abusive relationship, he still believed these words. He wanted them to stop circling his mind, he wanted to be safe in his own body and feel ok. When he and Schlatt split, Karl and Sap welcomed him with open arms.

Over time the three began to get closer, and eventually they ended up in a poly relationship. The problem though, Karl and Sapnap had already been previously together before he came into the equation. So he was basically just an add on, an unnecessary addition. He always felt like he was third wheeling, no matter how much love and affection the two showered him in. He knew it was all fake and would fade eventually anyway. They’d leave him, stop loving him, just like everyone else. 

One thing that made him feel good, Sapnaps hoodies swallowed him. They went down almost to his knee caps and hid his top half, his most hated half. His legs were ok, his thighs were too big but it was better than his top. The hoodies also helped to hide his wings, typically he’d bind them with ace bandages. He’d secure them to his rib cage so they wouldn’t show through his shirt. No one really ever noticed, or they didn’t care enough to say anything, but he was grateful for that. Wearing big clothes was a lot less painful. When he did bind his wings he’d always be in excruciating pain by the end of the day but it was worth it. Sometimes he’d sleep with them binded, as he slept in the same bed as Sap and Karl and didn’t want to be an embarrassment. 

He knew it was dangerous to do such things, and that he could do irreversible damage. That he could permanently damage the growth of his wings. He didn’t care though, he was fine with them being messed up as he never wanted them in the first place. He never asked for them, never asked for late term duck wings. When they first began coming in, he and Schlatt had just married. They were still happy at this point, as Schlatt hadn’t begun his struggles with addiction yet, and Schlatt thought they were beautiful. 

He’d spend hours combing through the soft yellow wings for Quackity, making sure they were groomed properly. Oh boy how he missed when he would be so affectionate. He’d go on about the fact that Quackity was beautiful and some lousy wings wouldn’t change that. He missed Schlatt, but not the Schlatt everyone else knew, no, the Schlatt he fell in love with. Schlatt before the darkness took over. He loved him, he truly did there was no doubt in his mind that he did. He loved him then.

The first time he realized he wasn’t him anymore, was Tubbos' execution. Quackity took a part in that boy's death as well though, and he knew that made him just as bad as Schlatt was. 

He knew it was unhealthy but he could never tear the thought of reviving the man out of his head. He thought maybe, just maybe he’d be the old him again. Since he wasn’t in control, and wasn't corrupted he’d be the sweet ram that cared so much about him again. He was in love with Karl and Sapnap now though, that’s what kept him off the edge of it, Karl and Sap. They were his rock.

He’d never forget the day he began keeping track of his calorie intake. (how could he? It was written as the first entry in the journal.) The small notebook he used for his entry’s was over half way full now. (although many dates were skipped from fast days, or what he called his wins.) He was surprised he’d been able to keep all of this secret for so damn long, to keep it hidden from the two he loved more than anything. He was terrified one of them would one day find the journal, or walk in on him in the bathroom during a purge if he god forbid forgot to lock the door. 

Even when having two lovers he felt so alone. He slept in the middle of their shared bed, in between Sap and Karl. Even when they both held him he was cold. When he would sneak out of their bed to the bathroom to do the unspeakable he typically had quite a bit of trouble getting up without waking anyone. He couldn’t be a burden, he couldn’t wake them because he was fucked up.

He wanted to get better, he’d told himself once he reached his goal weight he’d go back to a normal diet, a normal routine. This was an addiction though, not something he could just quit. He’d seen someone lose the battle to addiction and he didn’t want to go down the same path but how could he ask for help? How could he disappoint the two who love him the most? How could he  _ hurt  _ them? He’d just do it on his own, he didn’t need to get them involved and cause any more unneeded problems for the two. 

Everyday he’d watch the numbers tick down, slowly getting lower and lower but it was never enough, he needed more, he needed to be better. 

He was going to fix himself all on his own, pick up his broken pieces and put them back together. He’d be the perfect boyfriend, no flaws, no imperfections. He’d be pretty, make Karl and Sapnap proud of him. Not be an embarrassment to be around anymore. He’d sweep it all under the rug and get  _ better.  _

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so the next chapters will be quite a bit longer but this was just the prologue and I didn’t want to spoil too much of what I have planned! I wrote this from 1 am to 2 am so, I’m t i r e d. Also please point out any spelling errors or grammar mess ups, I’m dyslexic. Anyway next chapter should be out soon! I do hope you enjoyed and comments are very much so appreciated Love you babes! <333


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